Maybe It's the Winter: Dating Advice from a Single Woman

Maybe it’s the winter.

For some reason—and I doubt it’s a flattering one—something about the sunless, cold mornings, the dreary days or the bitter nights, reminds people of me.

And, not in a flattering way.

The deeper the snow, the lower the temperature, the icier the air, the more texts, instant messages and emails I get from men who for whatever reason, I chose not to pursue relationships with.

I have never responded with, ‘while you weren’t good enough then, I’ve recently lowered my standards…’

That they think the cold temperatures might drive me to desperation is either a fault of theirs or one of mine.  

That I think, ‘hmmmm’…. when I receive these unwelcome e-memories is a fault of mine.  I have—but do not suffer from—selective memory.  Still, each time I get a text from an unsaved number that I seldom recognize as a deleted number, I typically resist the urge to respond, “who are you?”

Because, I know.

While I may not remember the name, the face, or the exact reason.  I know for whatever reason, I didn’t like the way I felt when I was with the person, or the fact that we didn’t share the same definition of ‘single,’ or that we did not then (and presumably still don’t) want the same things from life, relationships, experiences.

I understand, not because the media tells me so, but because I know, that dating is challenging right now.  I know that we all have varying definitions for attractive, funny, single…

I know my standards will change, grow and adapt.

I also know they won’t lower, I can’t afford for them to.

So, before you send that ‘am I good enough now?’ text to someone you weren’t quite compatible with last year, just anticipate the response.


Translation: No.


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