As
an adult, I have used silence as both a shield and a sword.
Growing
up, many people learn that what happens at home stays there. At some point we
learned that discussions about family problems were not to leave the family
table.
Domestic violence, financial
problems, mental health illness and a myriad of other issues were solved (or
not) at home. Sharing information with
“the streets” was viewed as wrong—perhaps even more wrong than whatever the
problem was.
The
idea of what happens at home stays at home extended to the community so that
what happened in the community did not go beyond that. As a community we needed
to appear strong, united.
Where
did we learn this?
As
part of my research as a PhD student I’m exploring the premise that the Black
community has become well versed at keeping secrets and hiding pain; sometimes
to our own detriment. I don’t know that this is a Black/ African American
phenomenon, a gender experience or if silence is something that affects
households and communities regardless of race, gender, etc… and I would like to
find out.
I’m
also interested in the conversations that we don’t have; the information women
don’t share with other women regardless of color and conversations that don’t
cross gender and/or color lines.
I
know I have read fiction and seen films where the topic of silences and secrets
in communities was touched on but can remember the titles of barely a few. On
my list I have Beloved, Dessa Rose and The Long Song. What books and/or films,
plays, etc…am I missing?
Where
did you learn to keep secrets?
