Friday, January 6, 2012
Dating Advice You Didn't Ask For: Catch of the Day
“I cook, I clean, I take care of her kids. What other man would do all that for her?” He asked, “None, I tell you that.” He answered.
For the past few years the young man in front of me had been ineffectively flirting with me while I washed clothes in a local Laundromat. He seemed like a nice enough guy. I don’t date guys based on how nice they seem.
And so, for many reasons I had been avoiding him—quite successfully. I try to avoid awkward conversations like: Why don’t you find me attractive? What don’t like you like about me? What about tonight, are you free tonight?
Something about him gave me the impression of a guy who though accustomed to no’s, will try to negotiate his way to a yes.
I avoided the early morning conversations by doing my laundry in the evening or elsewhere, so I was surprised to run in to him mid-morning last week.
“How was your Christmas,” it began.
“Good, how was yours?”
“Awful, my girlfriend and I are breaking up—after five years and…”
Funny how he had never mentioned having a girlfriend. I’d like to say that I picked up on the girlfriend vibe when turning him down, but I hadn’t.
“She acts like she can get someone better than me…” he continued.
Of course she can.
“…and she’s not even thinking about the kids. I’m a good father to them and they aren’t even mine.”
Now, there really was no reason I needed to know that he has been taking care of her children. So, I would bet that if he told me this in the first five minutes of this conversation, that he has brought it up to her countless number of times and she is likely quite tired of hearing about all that he does.
“She’s only thinking about herself,” he declared.
As opposed to?
When I date, I date for me. When I am ready to include someone in my family life, I may choose someone different, but even then, staying in a relationship merely because he cooks, cleans, and is good to my children isn’t enough if I don’t like him, no longer love him, or have to hear about ‘all the things he does for me’ all the time.
Instead of reminding someone of all you do for them, let them see it for themselves. If they don’t recognize what you bring to the table—eat somewhere else.
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