Skip to main content

Addicted to endings...Or Diary of a serial relationship killer

I have on more than one occasion facilitated the ending of a relationship before it has had the opportunity to wither on its own.
I plead guilty to the charge of settling for relationships bound straight to the end:  I am a serial relationship killer.
At times I seek these relationships.  I am, as I often admit, attracted to absurdities.  I have exchanged phone numbers with people I have no desire to talk to, I have spoken with people I have no desire to know intimately, and I have known intimately (if not physically) people I would rather not know.
These relationships are not because I don’t deserve a solid relationship, they are because I don’t desire one right now. I’m not ready for introducing my children, meeting someone’s friends, meeting their family, attending family reunions (I don’t attend my own). 
I’m just not ready.
Today a married friend asked if I am enjoying the single life.
I am. 
Another friend asked if it’s better to settle in the beginning of a relationship or in what should be the end?
I have done both.
I have stayed too long in relationships because I just couldn’t seem to stop myself from witnessing their endings. I have dated a man who is going through divorce. I have dated men who were not right for me and men I am not right for.
Over the years, I have often confused settling for compromise, for maturity, for the sake of my children.  As a writer I manipulate words all the time. So, what tomorrow I will consider settling is today what I consider dating.
On matters of intimacy, I plead the fifth.

Comments