Sunday, September 25, 2011

February 7, 2009


Dear Diary,
I spent today sorting out possibilities. Now that I’ve finished my last class, I don’t know what to do with all of the time I have without a deadline. I am so used to handling competing deadlines that I now have to create things to do. This should not be too hard seeing as now I have the pleasure of justifying my degree.
Today I should be writing and submitting something to a publication. But, I have some pieces from my thesis (that always sounds so juvenile) out to editors and I need to see how they fare before sending them to other publications. It seems self defeating to assume they are rejected and so, I wait.
I have researched numerous publications and there are many I would be honored to publish in, to those I look forward to submitting. There is a thread in that which I read that suggests I should be happy to publish anywhere and endeavor to write my way up the publication tier one rung at a time. And yet, I cannot start out with lowered expectations and call myself a writer.
Can I really submit something to a publication I would never read?
While I wait I look for traditional jobs, freelance jobs and writing opportunities in my spare time –when I am not being a mom, working full time or otherwise engaged.
I used to say, I just want to write. But, after reading job descriptions, posts and calls for submissions, I realize that is not at all true. I want to write what I want to write. I want to write psychological articles exploring character motivation and development; short stories succinctly dissecting relationships, features inspiring people to act, explore, question. I want to write things that matter to me. Advocating for the underrepresented population: children, minorities, whoever; getting information to people who best need it and who are then empowered by it; affecting change, those are the sort of pieces I want to write.
So, to revise that: I want to write something I would be proud to have published. 

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